Listen Page 3

  “You should take more breaks, walk around, get to know the people here. This is a great company to work for. And it looks like we’ll be here a while.” He was proud, and rightfully so. Their growing pains were the good kind to have.

  I had a few financial ideas for them besides the obvious hiring more employees. Teaching employees how to forecast catastrophic events and how to distribute the money in advance for them was like herding cats. It was all projections based on what-ifs, and people got nervous around money. A lot of money. But there was repetition in numbers and history, and that’s what made my job easy. I was there to review the data and design a training program that allowed the adjusters to do their job without bankrupting the company. People trusted the assuredness in my reports.

  “Oh, I’m sure the employees are great. I just wanted to get started right away. There’s so much information to process that it’s hard to get away from it once you dig in. You know what that’s like. I suppose I could get up and take more breaks.” I kept talking until I saw his shoulders relax. My last suggestion seemed to appease him.

  “Pick a day next week. We’ll do lunch. That gives you plenty of time.” He winked at me and left my office. It was hard not to like him. It was as if he knew my struggles. Then again, it wasn’t as if our field was full of social people.

  “Okay. I’ll check my calendar and get back to you,” I said even though he was already gone. I figured he heard me down the hall since he left my door wide open. I really hadn’t spoken to a lot of people here. Amanda, Mr. Hoyt, Josh the intern who was bound and determined to wear me down and be my friend, and Hannah the mail distributor who never had mail for me but was always nice and said hello when she wheeled her cart past my office. I needed to try harder. At least the people here seemed friendlier than the people I saw every Friday at my permanent job. Those people resented that I worked from home and only had to make an appearance one day a week. The employees here didn’t know me well enough yet.

  I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes for a minute. I had been hunched over the computer for hours, and my shoulders and neck were sore. My feet hated the heels I’d picked out that morning. The shoes gave me height but also pinched my toes. I’d forgotten how hellish they were to wear until I got halfway to the train.

  I kicked the shoes off, curled my feet underneath me, and decided to check my email on my phone. I refused to use the computer at work for anything other than the project I was assigned. I didn’t want to leave a digital trail. As I was just about to hit the mail app, my emotions hijacked my brain and hit the piano app instead. I clutched my phone as I watched it spool open. There in front of me were black and white keys. I took a deep breath and emotionally pushed myself to touch a key. Nothing happened. I was both relieved and confused. I hit it again. Still nothing. My glorious comeback to piano-land was a dud.

  I groaned when I noticed I had my phone on silent. I turned the volume on, took another deep breath, and hit the D key. The quality of the sound was horrific, but I didn’t panic right away. No, the freak-out happened about ten notes later when I realized I had played a scale. I closed out of the app and quickly stood. I told myself to relax. I was in charge of this. Nobody else. I stared down at my phone and saw only my reflection in the black screen. Perfect time for a break. I got up, slipped my angry shoes back on, left my phone behind, and headed for the kitchen. I had a raspberry yogurt with my name on it in the communal refrigerator. I walked into the break room and froze when six people turned to stare at me.

  “Hi, Lily.” Josh’s smile was friendly as he ushered me into the room.

  I wanted to ninja slink out, but instead I pasted on a smile and continued my trek to grab my snack. “Hi, Josh. How are you?”

  “Good. Glad to see you out and about. Got plans tonight?” Dear God, I hoped he wasn’t asking me out. “We’re going to shoot pool down at Bleachers tonight. You in?”

  “I’m not good at pool, and as inviting as it sounds, I really can’t. I have another project at home that I need to finish.” He looked disappointed but not dejected. I was actually great at pool. Even though there was a tiny part of me that wanted to go, I wasn’t dressed for anything but work.

  “Well, we might be in a tournament on Friday night as well, so keep that night open if you want.”

  I smiled and nodded on my way out of the kitchen. I planned on attending the concert at the Leading Note and needed the rest of the week to work up the courage to actually go.

  Chapter Four

  “You made it. It’s good to see you again.” Agnes’s genuine smile made me relax a little bit. My body was rigid and my hands were sweating, but I was there and making an effort. “There are a few seats in the back row.”

  I swore she read my mind. The seat closest to the door was taken, so I took the spot two seats down, leaving the seat between me and an older gentleman vacant. We exchanged smiles and I looked down at my phone to avoid a possible conversation. I had ten minutes to kill and no idea how to do it.

  I wasn’t a people watcher and I didn’t want to talk to anyone, so I pulled up CNN on my phone and looked at the financial section. I liked playing the stock market. Just for fun, I’d opened a trading account a year ago and had been hooked ever since. It wasn’t a passion, more of a hobby. My money from when I played was heavily invested in retirement options. I wasn’t going to touch it for decades. This was just spending money. Fun money for vacations I never took and expensive clothes I never bought.

  “If everyone would please take a seat, we’ll get started. Thank you for coming tonight. It’s nice to see familiar faces and some new ones. My name is Hope D’Marco. This is one of our favorite events here at the Leading Note. Tonight’s theme is Evening and we are going to start the concert off with Tyson Watts, who is going to play the ‘Sleeping Beauty Waltz.’”

  Hope D’Marco. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Her gaze held mine for a fraction of a second when her eyes scanned the crowd during her introduction. I looked around to see if anybody else felt the spark in the room or heard the booming noise that echoed in my ears. My heart was twirling in my chest, free-falling into an unknown abyss. I was surrounded by a crowd of smiling people—parents, grandparents, and other children—but none of them mattered. Hope D’Marco, with her long chestnut hair and dark brown eyes, commanded my attention. It was several notes into the composition before I even realized Tyson, a boy about twelve years old, was playing. He flubbed up several times but never gave up, and was smiling when he was done. The room erupted with applause. He playfully bowed and joined his family in the front row. Hope stood center stage again and introduced the next student, an eight-year-old violinist who tackled “Minuet in G Major” and also did a decent job. I watched Hope sit behind the student and bob her head encouragingly at the notes. The violinist, too, was applauded by the audience when they bowed.

  So, this was what it was supposed to be like—positive reinforcement, smiles, mistakes, and laughter. When Hope sat at the piano to accompany a young cellist, I stood up. She hesitated when we made eye contact again. I forced myself to sit and stay. I took a deep breath and clutched the cushioned seat to keep myself calm. The weight in my hands gave me comfort. The metal frame against my fingertips was a cool point of contact against my warm body. Hope nodded at Liam and they began “Melody in A Flat Major” by Louise Farrenc. I was mesmerized. Hope accompanied him in perfect rhythm. I wasn’t sure when I started crying, but I gratefully accepted the tissue from the old man’s outstretched hand. I dabbed my eyes, but more tears poured out. When the composition ended and the entire audience jumped to their feet, I raced out of the room and ran down the stairs as quickly as I could. I wasn’t prepared to be that emotional. I walked two blocks before the tears stopped and I felt normal again. I took another deep breath, shook my arms down at my sides to release the tension in my body. I smiled because I survived it. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I walked another block before I realized I was walking in the opposite direction from th
e train station.

  I looked around to get my bearings and saw Bleachers, the bar Josh mentioned, and headed there to celebrate. I hoped he was still there. It was only seven thirty. I opened the door and was greeted by loud voices and the smell of fried foods. It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the dimness.

  “Lily. Hey, Lily. Over here.” I heard to my left. Josh waved me over. I recognized three other people from work and smiled. “You made it. Want a beer?” Josh was already pouring one for me even though I wanted a water.

  “Sure. Thanks.” I sat on the empty seat he pulled out from a nearby high-top.

  “You want to play? We are just warming up.” He thrust a pool stick into my hand and pointed at the felt. “Show us what you got.”

  I shrugged and put my beer down on the high tabletop. Thankfully, my blouse was buttoned all the way up to my throat so when I bent over, I wasn’t giving the room a show. My clothes were modest. I just wished I didn’t look so square.

  “Stripes or solids?” Either way, I was going to sink at least three balls.

  “Stripes. Sean already dropped a solid in,” he said.

  I nodded and focused. When I sank the first one, they cheered. By the fourth one, they were all quiet, except Josh. He was doing a celebratory dance with tiny yapping noises until the end of my run.

  “You said you sucked at pool.” Josh laughed and scooped up the money that teetered on the edge of the pool table. He tried handing me half, but I declined.

  “Hustler. I call foul,” Sean said. He toasted me anyway.

  I giggled and decided I really needed to eat. The beer, probably my fourth alcoholic drink ever, went straight to my head. I waved over a waitress and ordered a cheeseburger, fries, and a large water that I gulped down when she returned with it.

  “What do you do for the company, Sean?” I asked. My feeble attempt at conversation was at least safe. Sean was probably ten years older than the rest of us but acted a lot younger. Josh, Benton, and Allison, adjusters for B&T, were all close to my twenty-seven years. We talked a little about the business, and for the first time ever, I didn’t feel awkward. Credit the beer. Plus, I mainly just listened to them and smiled. I was a part of something that, even just for a short time, wasn’t uncomfortable.

  When my food arrived, Sean and Josh reached over and ate some of my fries. They didn’t ask, but I didn’t care. It was so smooth and I wondered if this was what having friends was like. I’d been homeschooled because of my music career, so I didn’t have any friends growing up. In college, I was friendly with my roommate my freshman year, but the rest of the time, I lived alone.

  “So, tell us about yourself, Lily. You’re so elusive at work.” Josh wiggled his fingers at me in a ghostlike fashion accompanied by a woo noise.

  The heat crept across my face. I covered my mouth while I swallowed a large bite. “Not much to tell. I work for Banks Corporation across town, I have a cat named Clio, and I read a lot.” I shrugged my shoulders like I was no big deal because I really wasn’t. Not anymore.

  “Come on, are you married? Dating anyone?” Sean had a wedding ring and a ton of photos of his kids on his phone that we’d already seen.

  I shook my head. “No. Taking a break from it all.” I almost snorted at my boldfaced lie. I had no interest in men and had only one quasi-relationship in college with a teacher’s aide. Carrie was clingy from day one. I needed space more than I needed a relationship. We lasted a couple of months. I was still a virgin.

  “My boyfriend and I are taking a break. We are still technically together, but he needs a breather.” Josh air-quoted the word “breather.”

  I didn’t see that coming. Not that I had gaydar, but I never got that vibe from him. In the first week, I thought he was hitting on me. The relief that washed over me was liberating. He was not into me. Allison shared that she had a long-distance boyfriend who lived in Indianapolis. The guys teased her because they never met him, but she pulled out her phone and showed us all photos of them kissing and holding one another, and a thousand other selfies.

  “You can’t fake that.” Josh threw up his hands. “Okay, fine, you have a boyfriend.” Allison smiled dreamily at Josh, probably because she was thinking about Patrick.

  “When will you see him again?” I asked.

  “Not for two more weeks.”

  “So, that makes us responsible for entertaining you until then, right?” Sean asked wickedly and leaned up against her. She playfully nudged him away.

  “Don’t you have a wife and like seventeen kids to go home to?” Allison threw back at him.

  Sean looked at his watch and jumped up. “You’re right. I’m out. Have a fun rest of your night. Nice to finally meet you, Lily.”

  I wasn’t expecting that. It was nice. I waved at him and watched as he left. Just as I turned in my chair to rejoin the conversation in progress, my eye caught Hope and Agnes walking into Bleachers. I froze. I couldn’t stop staring.

  “You all right?” A smiling Josh leaned into my line of vision, breaking up my trance.

  “What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” The cheeseburger churned in my stomach. I reached for my second beer because I was out of water again. I gulped it to settle my nerves. What were they doing here? Logically eating after the concert, but why here? I turned back to face Josh and Allison and pasted on a smile.

  “Well, with Sean gone, I guess we won’t be able to participate in the tournament, but at least now we have a ringer. An ace in the hole,” Josh said.

  What had I started? Tonight was a fluke. I happened to be in the area and walked in on a whim. I couldn’t imagine doing this twice a week or however often they met and played.

  “I’m only at B and T for another month, so you’ll probably have to get your hands on another player and not count on me.”

  “How far away do you live?” Allison asked.

  “It takes me a good hour by train just to get here every day.”

  “That’s about normal for us,” Josh said. He and Allison both lived north of the city. Neither had cars and relied solely on public transportation.

  I couldn’t imagine that kind of commute for the rest of my life. I didn’t have a car either, but I never went anywhere. The internet delivered everything I needed, as did the grocery store down at the corner. If it wasn’t for having to make an appearance every Friday at Banks Corporation, I would consider myself a hermit.

  “Hi, Lily. I’m glad you showed up tonight.” Agnes touched my shoulder and I had no choice but to turn and face her. It was only her. Hope was seated at a high-top across the room.

  “It was great. Thank you for the invitation. I’m sorry I didn’t stay the entire concert.” I nervously fiddled with my napkin in my lap and hoped she would just leave.

  “It’s all right. It was a great turnout, and it’s always nice to see new people,” she said.

  “Hi, I’m Josh.”

  I rolled my eyes at my lack of manners.

  “I work with Lily. So do Benton and Allison.” He nodded at Allison and she smiled hello at Agnes before getting back into her texting conversation with her boyfriend.

  “I’m Agnes. I work at the Leading Note Music Center just a few blocks down. We had a concert this evening. Now we’re out for some much-needed adult time.” She pointed over to Hope, who smiled at us.

  “You and your friend should sit with us. Do either of you play pool?” Josh asked.

  I wanted to punch Josh. I sat up straighter when Agnes waved Hope over to the table. How did I look? I wiped my lips with my napkin in case I had ketchup in the corners of my mouth. What if I had lettuce stuck in my teeth? There wasn’t anything I could do about that now. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I watched as Hope weaved around the other bar tables to reach us. I tried not to stare when she approached us, but it was futile. Her looks commanded attention. Up close, she was more beautiful than I imagined. More than I could take. I looked down at my plate, suddenly very interested in a pickle slice, the only thing left bes
ides a small dab of ketchup.

  “Hi. I’m Hope.”

  “Lily and her friends invited us over. Lily was at the concert tonight,” Agnes said.

  “Thanks for inviting us over.”

  I was jealous of how comfortable she was with everyone. Her hair was down but tucked behind her ears, which showed off her creamy, flawless skin. Two tiny dimples flashed across her cheeks when she smiled at Josh and Allison. When our eyes met again, I had to look down at my plate. I was either going to have to eat this pickle or make it my pet. I was spending entirely too much time concentrating on it.

  “Thanks for coming to the concert, Lily,” she said to me.

  I had to look at her. “I heard you practicing ‘Clair de Lune’ the other day. The measure before the key signature change needs considerable practice to make the transition smooth. It’s a difficult section to master.” Now why the fuck would I say that to her, to anyone? I couldn’t stop. “You are so close. At one point, you nailed it, but I think with more practice you will get—” With great effort, I stopped myself. “What I meant to say was that the concert tonight was great and I enjoyed hearing the kids play.” My voice trailed off.

  “Yeah, I struggle with that piece. I just have a hard time pacing myself on that section. Was it that obvious?” She was so sincere, I felt like the world’s biggest ass. I reached out to touch her forearm but pulled back before we actually connected.

  “No, no. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. Just keep practicing and you’ll master it. You’re a very good pianist. You made me cry at the concert tonight. I used up every single tissue within a five-chair radius. I’m just sorry I left. I had to.”

  She nodded as if she understood me.

  “What kind of concert?” Josh asked. He waved the waitress over for another pitcher of beer and poured the last of what we had left in two glasses for Hope and Agnes.

  “A little classical concert that our students put on once a month.”

  “Oh, the classical music school. You moved in earlier this year, right?” Josh asked. Agnes nodded. “I like the music I’ve heard there. I used to play the clarinet in high school. Is it just for kids or is it for adults, too?”