Listen Page 4

  “It’s mostly for students around the area, middle school age and younger.” Hope’s voice was so smooth and gentle. “A lot of high schools still have their music programs, but most elementary and middle schools have ended their arts programs. Our organization helps kids match up with instruments and gives them the opportunity to learn something new and have fun doing it.”

  I heard pride and wondered how she got her position there. Was it in the family? She obviously knew how to play. I was curious at her background.

  “How long have you been playing?” I asked. That was a safe question. I forced myself to make eye contact with her while I waited for her answer. I clutched my cloth napkin under the table. That helped settle my anxiety.

  “Since I was about eleven. I was in dance before that, but I told my parents that I wanted to try music. My mom took me to the symphony and asked what three instruments I liked the most. I picked the piano, the flute, and the harp.”

  She smiled at me and I looked down at my plate. That fucking pickle! I grabbed my plate and handed it to a waitress walking by. She wasn’t ours, but I needed to get the plate away from me. I had no excuse now so I had to maintain eye contact.

  “Which is your favorite? I know the harp is pretty complex even though it looks simple.” I knew firsthand how the harp, as beautiful as it sounded, was a bitch to play at a high standard.

  She shifted in her chair to look directly at me. “I really enjoy tackling all of them. When I give lessons, I’m still learning. There are so many different ways to interpret music and sometimes the students teach me things.” Zing. I deserved that.

  “So, now tell me about the Leading Note,” I said.

  It was an opportunity to study Hope the way I wanted. Gone was the braid that draped across her left shoulder during the concert. I liked the way her hair flowed in waves halfway down her back. It was a few inches longer than my own and several shades darker. The short-sleeved red sweater she wore accentuated her slight tan. I wondered if she’d just vacationed somewhere tropical. Did she travel with someone? A boyfriend? A girlfriend? Her jeans were fashionably tight and the simple black flats on her feet completed her girl-next-door look. She wore her watch with the face resting on the underside of her slender wrist. I wondered if she did that on purpose, or if it had a way of slipping throughout the day and she simply gave up.

  Hope D’Marco brought elegance to this bar. I listened as she explained how she studied music in college but just wasn’t good enough to make it her career. Instead, she got in with a company that designed and sold cell phone apps. It was a cutthroat business, but it gave her enough money to start the Leading Note four years ago. In my head, that put her at about thirty years old.

  “How are you funded? If that’s not too personal.” Oh, look, my manners made an appearance. The question involved money and math, so it was a comfortable topic for me. I just needed to be aware of my delivery. I think I blurted out the question, but the music was getting louder and it was harder to hear. Also, the beer wasn’t helping with my much-needed filter, but it was soothing my nerves. I scooted my stool closer to her.

  “Foundations, grants, donations. I spend all of my non-teaching time with my hand out for money.” She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, but behind that easygoing facade was a hardworking woman.

  Running an organization was not for the laid back. I was enthralled with her. Not only was she beautiful, physically and musically, but she was so comfortable with herself, even around other people.

  “We also get donations, and health insurance companies pay us for the work we do with patients.”

  I nodded at her. I wanted to know everything. Everything about the organization, about Hope. Hell, even Agnes intrigued me. After Josh hijacked the conversation, I sneaked quick looks at her and had the decency to blush when she caught me. When Agnes made eye contact with Hope and pointed at her watch, I almost groaned. Don’t go. Tonight is such a big night for me, I thought. They said good-bye and Hope thanked us for inviting them over. I watched them walk out and sighed heavily at their departure. I wasn’t close to being done with questions. When was the last time I wanted to spend time with another person?

  “Lily.” I felt a warm hand on my forearm that startled me. I turned to find Hope completely in my personal space, and I was surprisingly okay with it.

  “Hi, you’re back.” I could tell my smile was cheesy and entirely too large for a casual hey.

  “I wanted to give you my business card. Please stop by anytime and we can talk more about the organization, or just talk.”

  I held the card in my hand and stared at it for however long. When I looked up, she was still standing beside me, waiting for a reply.

  “Thank you, I will.” Her smile was warm and softer than before. I felt like it was reserved just for me.

  Chapter Five

  “If you’re going to stand there and judge me, you might as well come up and do it in person.”

  I looked up, completely busted. How did Hope know I was down here? She was smiling down at me from the open window, so I knew she was kidding, but I still felt guilty. I was judging her. Silently, but also encouragingly.

  “I really should go home and feed Clio.” That was the first thing that popped out of my mouth. I had to look down because my neck was hurting from looking directly up at Hope, and the sun was reflecting off the windows and blinding me.

  “Is Clio your dog?” she asked playfully. Was she flirting?

  “He’s my cat. He’s on a pretty strict schedule.”

  “Come on up for a quick minute and say hi.”

  “I really can’t. I’m sorry.” I still wasn’t ready to be in a room with a piano, let alone, in a room with a beautiful woman playing it.

  “Can you do dinner? Clio would understand, I’m sure.”

  I gulped. Could I be alone with Hope and make small dinner conversation? Baby steps. At least a piano wasn’t involved. And I hadn’t eaten since the bagel I wolfed down about ten that morning.

  “I think if we do something quick, that will work.” Could I be a bigger ass right now? A beautiful woman I admired was asking me to dinner. “I mean, sure. Do you know of a good place close by?” That sounded better. I looked down at my trousers and short-sleeved blouse. I’d recently found myself dressing a tad nicer for the just-in-case moments. This was one of them. Not that I would have chosen this outfit for a first date, but it was cute. Wait. Was this a date?

  “I know a place. Give me a minute to lock up.”

  She closed the window and disappeared. Holy shit. Talk about impromptu. At least I’d slept the night before and still looked decent. The surge of energy bubbled over and I started pacing in front of the door. Remember the steps, I told myself. I counted to ten, I took five deep breaths and thought about everything else except Hope D’Marco. The project I was working on would be done in two weeks. I needed to remember to call the vet and refill Clio’s prescription. He also needed more food. There was something else about food. Did I need to bring food for the company barbecue on Friday? I thought of everything I could to keep my mind off her, but when she stood in front of me, everything else faded away. The traffic, all the noise, the people rushing by us were gone. Hope’s smiling face was the only thing I saw.

  “Are you ready?” she asked. I nodded and she pointed behind us. “There’s a cute little diner that’s just a few blocks east of here. So, you work at B and T, right?”

  “I work for Banks Corporation, which has some ownership of B and T. They sent me over to review their business and advise B and T on a few things. I’ll be out of here in a few weeks or so. Banks Corp is on the other side of town.” I tried to keep it light because describing my job almost always ensured a stifled yawn from the listener. Very few people knew or cared what an actuary did.

  “It’s too bad that you won’t be around. I was hoping for more musical advice.” I was glad Hope didn’t press me on how I knew so much about the piano. “Maybe you can swing by anyway
. We like visitors. They help get the word out about this place. We moved in six months ago. It’s not the greatest location for the kind of traffic we want, but our lease was up at the old place and this was what we could find on such short notice.”

  “Where were you before?” It wasn’t as if I’d been a lot of places, but I’d learned the city by studying and memorizing maps. It was comforting to have a general knowledge of my surroundings.

  “Closer to Edgewater. It’s so hard to get a quality, affordable place where we want, so we buy bus and train passes for some of our less fortunate students. This is a difficult location because there aren’t too many neighborhood kids that know about us yet and can just hang out. Our old place was perfect, but they raised the rent so much last minute that we just couldn’t afford it.”

  I could tell that she was really upset by the move, and I understood. Kids needed stability and something they could always count on. The center moving probably crushed their spirits and took away their hands-on musical outlet. Music appreciation started at such a young age, and a lot of times, children weren’t given the opportunity to listen and learn it.

  “I’m surprised you’re here, this close to businesses. Then again, people live everywhere in Chicago,” I said. My condo was in a very nice part of the city. I was fortunate, but it came with a price. My childhood had been nonexistent, but it afforded me luxuries now.

  “It’s not a bad place, just not easily accessible to kids. I wish we were closer to schools.” She held the door open for me once we reached Twenty Four, a diner wedged between two taller buildings.

  I blushed at her consideration. “Thank you,” I stammered. I felt the softness of her body as she brushed past me to talk to the hostess. I grabbed the handle of my purse tighter as the need to be closer to her overwhelmed me. I never wanted to be close to people. Hope D’Marco was different. She made me feel happy, a feeling I hadn’t had in years. Even when I was alone with Clio, it wasn’t happiness I felt. It was peace. Clio relaxed my world. Hope gave it excitement. I needed those two to meet.

  “Let’s go.” Hope looked back at me and nodded toward the hostess, who was walking to the back of the diner. Hope waited for me to pick a side of the booth and sat across from me. This felt like a date. I clutched my purse tighter. “So, everything here is good, if you are into comfort food.”

  I grabbed the menu and looked at the specials. “I’m certain I could eat one of everything.” My stomach gurgled when I saw meatloaf on the menu. In my mind, I settled for the salad. Once I realized Hope was going to order the fried chicken meal, I threw in the towel and ordered the special: meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans. I sipped on my unsweetened ice tea. I was excited for so many different flavors.

  “This place is great. I’ve only eaten here a few times, but the food is wonderful and the atmosphere is so laid back,” she said.

  She looked adorable today. I loved her hair down. She was wearing jeans and a really cute blouse. I wasn’t a jeans person, but Hope had such a nice body that she made jeans look classy. She accessorized nicely with a thin silver necklace, two bracelets, and the watch that rested on the inside of her wrist. Upon closer inspection, that was just how she wore it. It made me smile. The face was bold and slightly bigger than I expected someone with her petite frame to wear.

  “You’re wondering about my watch.”

  I looked back to her and held her gaze. “The first time I saw you, I wondered if it slipped down or if that was just the way you wore it.”

  She fingered the weathered band and ran her fingertip over the crystal face. I could tell her mind was elsewhere, but just for a flash. She turned to me and smiled. “It was my grandfather’s. I know it’s kind of big and clunky for me, but I feel close to him when I wear it.”

  Even though I didn’t speak with my parents, I checked in with my grandparents from time to time. They were the only ones who tried to intervene when they sensed I was slipping. “Did he pass away?”

  The corners of her mouth tilted up at a memory and fell at the reality of the truth. “He died in a car crash. He swerved to avoid hitting a truck that had stalled around a curve in the road and ended up hitting a telephone pole. It was dark, and raining, and cold. I remember it was so cold that night.”

  “You were there?”

  She nodded. “I was buckled up in the back seat. We were singing a song. He was always singing. It was great.” She was sad, but the whisper of a smile ghosted her lips.

  “How old were you?”

  “I was twelve and walked away without a scratch. My grandfather stayed alive until the police showed up. I believe that he hung around until he knew I was safe. He tried to keep up a brave front, but I knew he was in a lot of pain.” She absentmindedly drew a design with the tip of her spoon on the pattern of the vinyl tablecloth. She was lost in her thoughts, so I waited. I knew what that was like. It gave me a chance to study her. Her skin was flawless except for a tiny scar just at her temple. I admired her forearms and hands. They were strong and lean. When she looked up at me, I leaned back at the intensity I saw in her eyes. I wasn’t used to one-on-one attention, especially from a beautiful woman.

  “Do you come from a large family?” I often wondered what that was like. I only knew the large families from television or movies. Once my parents realized I could play music, they stopped trying to have more children and focused their attention solely on me, for all of the wrong reasons.

  “I’m the baby. I have three older brothers,” she said. I didn’t know why I laughed, but she joined in. “Yeah, it’s ridiculous. I had to blackmail them into letting me do things as a teenager. They were under strict orders to keep me in line, and every single one made sure I knew it.” Her smile was warm so I knew it was all out of love.

  “Do they all live here in the Chicago area?” I wondered what it was like to be under what I considered good scrutiny.

  “I have one brother in New York, but the other two are close by. I see them on Sundays. That gives me a chance to hang out with my nieces and nephews, who thankfully take after their mothers.” She grinned.

  Our food arrived and the conversation shifted to it.

  “I’m so glad I went with the meatloaf. This smells heavenly. Yours looks just as delicious.” I pointed my fork at her plate. The fact that I was going to eat in front of her was amazing. Public eating wasn’t a thing for me. First the cheeseburger at Bleachers, and now this.

  “Tell me about Clio,” she said.

  The warm food relaxed me and I found myself far more open with her than I had been when I was drinking. I smiled when she mentioned his name.

  “Clio is my true love. He’s an alley cat that started hanging around me. One day I heard something in my window and was surprised to see him outside on my fire escape. I’m on the eighth floor. He was there for a reason.” I didn’t elaborate, and Hope didn’t push. “Do you have any pets?”

  “I wish. I just don’t have the time. I love dogs, but the city isn’t the greatest place for them, so I just love them from afar. I do like cats, but I’m slightly allergic to them,” she said.

  “So you can never come back to my place,” I said, thinking of Clio. When the words I’d just spoken out loud sank into my thick skull, I blushed and stammered a correction. “I mean, you know, Clio is kind of fluffy, and I’m sure his dander would bother you. That’s, ah, what I meant.” I took a bite of meatloaf so I wouldn’t have to look at her.

  “Never? That’s sad,” she said.

  My heart raced and playfully skipped around inside my chest. She made me feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. I had zero experience with flirting, so I wasn’t sure if she was interested in me, or was just being nice. Either way, it made me feel special.

  “Well, I mean, sure, if you wanted to, but I know how difficult allergies can be.” I mentally told myself to clean the apartment from top to bottom and maintain it for the just-in-case moment Hope showed up. I realized I needed to change the subject or else I wou
ld obsess about cleaning, and the goal was to act normal. “You have nieces and nephews. That must be nice. I’m an only child, so I’ll never have that.”

  “Do you want children?” She was so attentive that I felt myself tensing up when I noticed her body leaning forward, her eyes on mine, and all of the classic signs that told me she was interested in me, engrossed in hearing what I had to say. That made me nervous.

  “I’m not really mother material,” I said.

  She scoffed. “Yes, you are. You are young, successful, and you’re intelligent.” I squirmed in my seat at her praise. “Plus, you know music better than anybody else I know. You fixed my problems in two sentences. Two. You have a lot to offer. You would be a good mom.” The gentleness in her voice told me she was serious. What did Hope know about me? She didn’t know my mental problems, my breakdown, or my everyday struggles.

  I was getting worked up over nothing. “What about you? You work with kids every day. Does that make you want to have them, or is that enough for now?” The fact that I could even talk to her right then was a major breakthrough. Nine times out of ten, I would have jumped up and left. Her face, her demeanor, calmed me. My nervousness was for something entirely different. I was being torn between running away from sheer anxiety and staying strictly out of curiosity. What was happening here? What was going to happen here? Did I just find a friend, or was there more going on? I had no experience in friendships and only a few months of dating experience. I hoped I wasn’t reading her wrong.

  “I’m sure once I find the perfect woman, we’ll settle down and talk about kids. I’m all for having them, but if she isn’t, I’m not going to be devastated.”

  My stomach lurched at her confession. So much was going on in that sentence that I stood up and excused myself for a minute. I headed toward the restrooms and paced the tiny hallway. Little beads of sweat popped up at my temple. I felt my pulse beat hard against my neck and covered my throat with my hand to try to relax. I was at the beginning stages of a panic attack. Hope was single and was looking. She was also a lesbian, which was something I dreamed of but never thought I would hear from her lips. I didn’t know how to process the information, so I kept pacing.